I had a conversation last night that made me have to check myself & pray hard for forgiveness, discernment, and strength to change. I find that because I want the best for myself and pretty much everyone, especially the people in my immediate circle, I can be a bit abrasive and aggressive in how I express that passion. Last night made that clearer for me to see than ever. Someone was trying to explain their thoughts and feelings about a particular perspective, and I unintentionally shut her down multiple times before she could completely finish. I thought I knew better than her. And then I did something even worse; I laughed. I didn't laugh at her. I laughed because I was nervous, but I can only imagine what that felt like for her. I can completely relate to what she probably felt, actually.
Growing up, I wasn't really allowed to express my feelings or thoughts. I was constantly shut down or cut off, so I stopped talking. I became so introverted that the adults in my life became worried that I might be suicidal. It was a rough time for me. I had nobody to talk to and because I didn't know God for myself yet, I felt alone; I didn't know I could talk to Him. I turned inward instead of turning to Him, completely consumed by my thoughts and feelings. I was only 15 but I was so exhausted and depressed, because I felt like expressing myself didn't matter to anyone. Of course the teen years are filled with a lot of angsty drama-filled emotions, but what I was feeling I wouldn't wish on any teenager. It became normal for me to walk around filled with exploded matter that I had no place to let out.
In almost all of my romantic relationships I mimicked the same behavior, except eventually I learned to speak up. I learned to speak up so well that I shifted completely to the opposite of staying quiet, to the extreme. I verbalized, & still do verbalize, so much as a way to get back all of those years that I felt I couldn't say anything. My solution became, "I'm never going to allow myself to hold things in ever again" and that's been my motto. That solution can also create issues, but that's for another blog post.
I'm paraphrasing, but my point is: we have to be careful about the ways in which we communicate.
Unhealthy habits related to communication can make or break any relationship. They can make or break a person. If you know how it feels to be shut down or to not be allowed to express yourself freely, try your best not to make someone else feel the same way. That's a start. If you've mostly been exposed to situations in which the communication was unhealthy, it may be hard to not take on those habits yourself. However, they're not impossible to overcome and/or unlearn. Be honest in the assessment of how you communicate, on both the receiving and expressing parts. Think about the things you can do to be a better listener and evaluate the ways in which you can express yourself more effectively. Without healthy dialogue with others we cannot relate. If we cannot relate to one another, we cannot truly learn and grow as individuals.
Lesson: Allow others to express themselves and LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGMENT OR A PREMATURE READINESS TO REPLY.
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