Be careful of your judgment of others.
I am a very judgmental person; most of us are. We just tend to give it different names to make ourselves feel better about it. My alternate name of choice: Observant. I pride myself on how observant I am. I walk into a room and decide I know everybody within the first two minutes just by scanning the room for nonverbal & verbal cues. I decide who I can talk to freely and who I have to talk to with a censor. I determine who is going to rub me the wrong way and who I will automatically vibe with. Who do I think I am, right?
I think I am exactly who I was shown I need to be. As a kid I was always the different one: the only kid with the mom who was in a wheelchair, the only kid with the mom who had cancer, the only kid with the mom who passed away, the only kid from Philly, the only Black kid, the only distant relative. My identifiers always made me stand out & I was constantly judged as soon as I walked into a room. I could feel it. I could feel the pity, or dislike, or jealousy, or plain ol' negativity radiating towards me. I had enough of feeling like I didn't belong so I responded by turning myself into someone who was going to decide who belongs with me instead. I decided I didn't like anyone until they showed me something to like. I decided I would give into being shy because it was easier than walking into a situation with who I am available for everyone to see. You can't judge what someone doesn't allow you to see or know, right?
Wrong.
Straight up...I was insecure. I am insecure. And there's power in knowing that, believe it or not. Here's why: I can actually DO something about it. I now know that all of the years I was made to feel like I didn't belong hurt me deeply. I just wanted to be accepted. I now know that the reason I judge others is because I want to "do it to them before they can do it to me." I've come to realize that I care a lot about what people think about me & even more what people have to say about me, so much so that it's crippling. My confidence was shot early on and the way I compensate for that is by being closed off, judgmental, and sometimes downright mean.
I'm just now accepting that those things about myself are what's not okay. I am observant but that is not the same as being overly critical and harshly judgmental. Interacting with family and friends who keep it real with me has given me the tools to begin to change that about myself. The best advice anyone has ever given me is to love myself 100% so that I may be myself 100% no matter who I encounter. The best advice I have ever given myself is to never ever shrink the person I am for anyone else ever again.
It's a process to overcome those deeply rooted internal obstacles but remember, all obstacles are rooted in nothing other than fear. Conquer the fear; conquer the obstacle. We have nothing to fear on this earth, including the criticisms, opinions, thoughts, and feelings of others. Who you are in your heart is exactly who you are supposed to be. No person knows who you are better than God; He created you, everything about you. If you want to truly know who you are you must ask God to show you who He created you to be. And once you realize His opinion is the only opinion that matters, you won't care about being judged by anyone. You won't feel the need to judge others either, for any reason.
Every single person who meets you won't be smitten with you and that's okay, just as much as it's okay for you not to be smitten with every single person you meet. As long as you are being genuine in who you really are, those who are meant for you will be for you.
Lesson: Give people a chance to know who you really are and give others a chance to show you who they are as well. Be careful of harsh judgments; you ever know the effect it may have.
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