You Are Not Alone

you are

that thing that goes bump in the night 

that childlike fear of a monster beneath my bed

i want to peek but the cover keeps me safe

i dare not speak your name in the mirror even once

for i trust not that you'll come

and i don't want to be disappointed

again

because, you see

im not afraid of your appearance

not afraid of your darkness

what im afraid of is stumbling alone through the places where the world wants me to be afraid, without your protection

again

did you know...

from the moment i took my first breath and hungrily latched onto my mother's breast, i knew?

i knew there was another hand that should've been holding me

a familiar hand, rough and calloused from labor 
yet gentle and soft as soon as it touched me

but that hand never proved faithful

not once

not twice

instead
your hands forgot me

neglected the life that God made specifically for them to tend

your hands have been so used and abused in this world 
that they now turn to use and abuse me

to use and abuse us

your women and your children

and we

we have grown accustomed to your absence 
and familiar with the pain that accompanies your presence

we expect it

we've accepted it

but i think you should know 
we relinquish hope half heartedly

at night we still get down on our black knees in our broken homes and pray for your return

and we try our best to fill your shoes because we still don't want to throw them away

don't you see?

we continue to try to fill your man-of-God-shaped void in our lives with strength not of our own 

and we keep trying to fill ourselves with cocktails of escape we know will only suffice 'til morning

because we refuse to give up on you

we are granted limited time and space to fully be women

and our children

our dear children

they don't feel safe enough to just be

children

we are weary, burnt out, frustrated, and tired in places only He can renew because it is not our place to be men

but i'm not mad at you, brother

not anymore

that would be selfish

and my desire for you doesn't scare easily

i know you are not the enemy

my passion for you to thrive within your destiny manifested in sound mind, body, and spirit stretches far beyond anything you can do to me

some may call me crazy but

every kindred filament in my body crafted by the hands of God

is instinctively reaching out to reconnect 
with you

our oneness is undoubtedly necessary and

the fervor of the pull intensifies each time i feel you pushing

i am a part of you

the ways you hurt me only draw me closer

as i am healing

as i am growing

as i am coming into my divine purpose as a woman

i am beginning to understand you

striving to

not take it personally when you take your frustrations out on me

hurt people will hurt people

and i see you

in a cliché of truth that still fights to consume me, i recognize 
you

you are hurting

and i want to know why

Black man
why are you hurting?