Love exists.
I was born because of love. I'm still here because of love. I've overcome because of love. I am healthy because of love. I grow because of love. I am protected because of love. I am forgiven because of love. I am changed because of love. I can think because of love. I can feel because of love. I can see because of love. I can love, because of love. And everyday I wake up, I know love exists.
I am...because of love.
April 20, 2014
April 18, 2014
Expect More. Pay Less.
Last night, in a very normal telephone conversation, a slew of words came flying out of my mouth; unbeknownst to me, the words carried a lot of weight. Although I said them in a very matter-of-fact manner, with each syllable I realized I meant what I said much more than I knew. As the final word was fired, I instantly felt how loaded the statement was:
The bare minimum has become the standard for so many people, but you don't have to be okay with that. Stop letting people's words and intentions and promises be IT for you; you deserve so much more. You are worthy. You are more than worthy. A person can tell you how he/she feels until there are no more words left to describe their feelings, and then what? That can't be all there is.
Don't be fooled by the whole, "you must be special because I don't usually care this much" crap. It's crap. Just because it takes effort for someone to be caring and respectful and kind IN GENERAL doesn't mean you're "special" when he/she is caring, respectful, or kind to you. So, that person calls you sometimes just to casually see what's up with you; that's supposed to mean, "I like you and I want to get to know on a more intimate level"? Yeah, that person sends you "good morning" texts occasionally; just that is supposed to magically mean, "You're special to me"? When a person is truly interested, he/she has no qualms about openly expressing and showing said interest.
Don't settle for being just better than someone's worst or just above a person's inadequacies. You come out of the womb deserving the basic respect and kindness a human being should have towards another human being, FOR FREE. If a person tells you their feelings for you extend beyond basic humaneness, it's okay to want to receive more than a basic show of effort.
"Show me something different, then maybe I'll believe something different..."I keep hearing the same words while being shown the same mismatched actions, and it's expected of me to just "understand" and "accept" it. But I will not and I am proud of myself for that.
"Show me something different, then maybe I'll believe something different; maybe I'll believe what you say..."It's such a simple request that I once didn't have the courage to express, thinking I would come across demanding or controlling or like a difficult to please "angry Black woman." But I'm becoming strong enough and confident enough to recognize that I can have standards and basic expectations. I don't HAVE to downplay the magnitude of what I know I deserve from a person or a situation just to make someone else comfortable. And neither do you. I don't have to be brash and blunt, but I can definitely plant myself firmly in what I know I'm worthy of . And so can you.
The bare minimum has become the standard for so many people, but you don't have to be okay with that. Stop letting people's words and intentions and promises be IT for you; you deserve so much more. You are worthy. You are more than worthy. A person can tell you how he/she feels until there are no more words left to describe their feelings, and then what? That can't be all there is.
Don't be fooled by the whole, "you must be special because I don't usually care this much" crap. It's crap. Just because it takes effort for someone to be caring and respectful and kind IN GENERAL doesn't mean you're "special" when he/she is caring, respectful, or kind to you. So, that person calls you sometimes just to casually see what's up with you; that's supposed to mean, "I like you and I want to get to know on a more intimate level"? Yeah, that person sends you "good morning" texts occasionally; just that is supposed to magically mean, "You're special to me"? When a person is truly interested, he/she has no qualms about openly expressing and showing said interest.
Don't settle for being just better than someone's worst or just above a person's inadequacies. You come out of the womb deserving the basic respect and kindness a human being should have towards another human being, FOR FREE. If a person tells you their feelings for you extend beyond basic humaneness, it's okay to want to receive more than a basic show of effort.
"Show me something different, then maybe I'll believe something different; maybe I'll believe what you say you feel for me."
April 13, 2014
I'm Not Interested
There's a thin line between knowing what you won't tolerate and being rigid in what you won't tolerate. I'm learning how to navigate the more understanding side of that, but sometimes I have to let it be known that I am just not interested. I've finally accepted that it's okay for there to be things that just don't sit right with me.
I covered already how I can be "judgy." To "master" that flaw, I convinced myself that not judging people means accepting and tolerating EVERYthing. But I don't have to be uncomfortable or force myself to deal with aspects of people that I can't or don't want to handle; that's what God is for. He has the power, patience, and strength needed to conquer anything and anyone. That's not on me, and that's okay. If I'm meant to deal with something or someone, God will provide me with the tools necessary to do so.
I'm not interested in fighting and forcing and controlling and convincing and manipulating anymore. I'm not interested in people who don't want to be better, who only want to take from me, who refuse to grow up, who cause me to feel anything less than what I deserve; I'm just not interested in anything that, or anyone who, doesn't align with God's purpose for me in some way, shape, or form. Donning this new mentality is revealing to me so fast who doesn't fit in His plan for my life. It's scary, but I trust that He knows what & who I should and shouldn't be interested in.
The converse is also true; if someone shows no interest, I don't take it personally. It's still what's best for me because whatever is meant for me will be for me. I don't have to feign interest anymore nor do I have to stick around for anything or anyone while knowing I'm not interested. The things that cross my path that don't feel right don't feel right for a reason. I'm learning to trust that.
Conviction is so real and I'm not sorry when I'm convicted to say yes nor am I sorry when I'm convicted to say no, because I'm just not interested in ignoring God anymore.
I covered already how I can be "judgy." To "master" that flaw, I convinced myself that not judging people means accepting and tolerating EVERYthing. But I don't have to be uncomfortable or force myself to deal with aspects of people that I can't or don't want to handle; that's what God is for. He has the power, patience, and strength needed to conquer anything and anyone. That's not on me, and that's okay. If I'm meant to deal with something or someone, God will provide me with the tools necessary to do so.
I'm not interested in fighting and forcing and controlling and convincing and manipulating anymore. I'm not interested in people who don't want to be better, who only want to take from me, who refuse to grow up, who cause me to feel anything less than what I deserve; I'm just not interested in anything that, or anyone who, doesn't align with God's purpose for me in some way, shape, or form. Donning this new mentality is revealing to me so fast who doesn't fit in His plan for my life. It's scary, but I trust that He knows what & who I should and shouldn't be interested in.
The converse is also true; if someone shows no interest, I don't take it personally. It's still what's best for me because whatever is meant for me will be for me. I don't have to feign interest anymore nor do I have to stick around for anything or anyone while knowing I'm not interested. The things that cross my path that don't feel right don't feel right for a reason. I'm learning to trust that.
Conviction is so real and I'm not sorry when I'm convicted to say yes nor am I sorry when I'm convicted to say no, because I'm just not interested in ignoring God anymore.
As A Woman... [Pt. 2]
I'm going to keep saying this: I am human.
Being human means that I have thoughts, and feelings, and emotions. Feelings and emotions are not "ladies only" aspects of humanity. It is okay as a woman AND as a man to have them and express them...because we are human.
Over the years, however, I convinced myself that men aren't capable of expressing their feelings. I began to make excuses for why a guy "couldn't" SHOW me he loved me like he SAID he did. I began to convince myself that it was my role as a woman to coddle and coax a man to communicate his feelings for me in both action and in words. I allowed myself to believe that my feelings and emotions weren't "okay" because, well, I was only "being a woman." I continued to repeat the same patterned behavior with men because I thought as a woman I was supposed to see a man's potential then patiently cultivate it to fruition.
NO.
As a woman, it is not my responsibility to govern and wait on a man's growth. As a woman, it is not my job to apologize for how I feel nor is it my job to stifle the healthy expression of my feelings for anyone, man or woman. As a woman, it is not on me to convince a man that he should tell me how he feels, but more than anything, he should SHOW me. As a woman, I shouldn't have to basically manipulate a man to treat me right: "If I do this then maybe he'll do that. If I say this then maybe he'll say that"
NO!! (Sorry for yelling lol)
I had to smarten up and realize being a woman does not mean being a mother to all men. As a woman, I cannot change or fix anyone; that's not my job. Only God has the power to bring forth change in a person, and even then said person has to be open to His spirit. As a woman, I don't have to invest my time and energy into trying to make a man into a better person. As a woman, I don't have to settle for less than I deserve.
As a woman, all I have to be is genuine in who I am at all times while standing strong in what I believe. Those who are meant to love and respect me will love and respect me for ME, not for what I do for them. I don't need to do or say anything in order to to fit in or be accepted as a woman.
Being human means that I have thoughts, and feelings, and emotions. Feelings and emotions are not "ladies only" aspects of humanity. It is okay as a woman AND as a man to have them and express them...because we are human.
Over the years, however, I convinced myself that men aren't capable of expressing their feelings. I began to make excuses for why a guy "couldn't" SHOW me he loved me like he SAID he did. I began to convince myself that it was my role as a woman to coddle and coax a man to communicate his feelings for me in both action and in words. I allowed myself to believe that my feelings and emotions weren't "okay" because, well, I was only "being a woman." I continued to repeat the same patterned behavior with men because I thought as a woman I was supposed to see a man's potential then patiently cultivate it to fruition.
NO.
As a woman, it is not my responsibility to govern and wait on a man's growth. As a woman, it is not my job to apologize for how I feel nor is it my job to stifle the healthy expression of my feelings for anyone, man or woman. As a woman, it is not on me to convince a man that he should tell me how he feels, but more than anything, he should SHOW me. As a woman, I shouldn't have to basically manipulate a man to treat me right: "If I do this then maybe he'll do that. If I say this then maybe he'll say that"
NO!! (Sorry for yelling lol)
I had to smarten up and realize being a woman does not mean being a mother to all men. As a woman, I cannot change or fix anyone; that's not my job. Only God has the power to bring forth change in a person, and even then said person has to be open to His spirit. As a woman, I don't have to invest my time and energy into trying to make a man into a better person. As a woman, I don't have to settle for less than I deserve.
As a woman, all I have to be is genuine in who I am at all times while standing strong in what I believe. Those who are meant to love and respect me will love and respect me for ME, not for what I do for them. I don't need to do or say anything in order to to fit in or be accepted as a woman.
April 10, 2014
As A Woman... [Pt. 1]
It seems to be the "year of the woman" for me and for the women in my life whom I have close relationships. I speak for myself, though, when I say this journey is showing me that almost everything I thought a woman was is absolutely not what a woman truly is.
First and foremost, I am a human being. I possess feelings and emotions, NOT because I am a woman but because I am human. One of the biggest lessons I've learned in womanhood is that what makes me human isn't only to be reserved for romantic relationships. I was under the impression that I was only to be vulnerable for the man with whom I'm involved, that I was to reserve any love and invested emotion I possessed for "my man" only. I thought that, as a woman, my identity wasn't whole until I was able to say, "I have a man who loves me and who wants to spend the rest of his life with me." But that couldn't be any less true.
As a woman, I'm realizing that my identity is found most within the platonic relationships I have, especially within my relationships with other women. Only recently am I discovering this; my friends and family can tell you, up until recently I always maintained a level of emotional detachment. I didn't express my feelings for them, sadly, because I didn't allow myself to have them. I didn't know it was okay to have them. Now that I am exploring and developing that part of myself, I can say I've received no greater unconditional love, encouragement, and motivation from human beings.
As a woman, I love my friends and my family. I am allowed to feel AND express love, happiness, sadness, excitement, frustration, etc. towards them because I am attached to those close to me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And that's okay.
First and foremost, I am a human being. I possess feelings and emotions, NOT because I am a woman but because I am human. One of the biggest lessons I've learned in womanhood is that what makes me human isn't only to be reserved for romantic relationships. I was under the impression that I was only to be vulnerable for the man with whom I'm involved, that I was to reserve any love and invested emotion I possessed for "my man" only. I thought that, as a woman, my identity wasn't whole until I was able to say, "I have a man who loves me and who wants to spend the rest of his life with me." But that couldn't be any less true.
As a woman, I'm realizing that my identity is found most within the platonic relationships I have, especially within my relationships with other women. Only recently am I discovering this; my friends and family can tell you, up until recently I always maintained a level of emotional detachment. I didn't express my feelings for them, sadly, because I didn't allow myself to have them. I didn't know it was okay to have them. Now that I am exploring and developing that part of myself, I can say I've received no greater unconditional love, encouragement, and motivation from human beings.
As a woman, I love my friends and my family. I am allowed to feel AND express love, happiness, sadness, excitement, frustration, etc. towards them because I am attached to those close to me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And that's okay.
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