free. style. unity.

you ever ponder what your personal heaven looks like? ever imagine it?

in mine, Black women and men are no longer broken, merely appearing whole, held together by forgotten bandages. they are holy. wholly. there is a deep sense of community and belonging, to one another. being with each other feels like being in the comfort of solitude. we share. we take care. we nurture. we grow. we inherently see beauty and value within each other, and we honor it. fully, we see each other. we’re familial, familiar in all arrangements. all relationships. there is peace. life is still life, but we at least at home have peace. we’re protected by proximity to one another. so many shades of brown. gold flecks. iridescent swirls. curls. rhythmic pulse. clashing harmony. pleasure and play. ebbs and flows. we’re still human but.. 

we’re free. 

that’s how i imagine it. 

push.

think about the birth of anything. it’s the messiest, most rhythmically chaotic, ferociously beautiful experience ever. completely natural. primal. it’s an experience that will to take you to the end of yourself then ask for more, if you let it. blood curdling screams. it is painful. it is bloody.

push. 
PUSH. 
one more push. 
just one more. 
YOU CAN DO IT. 

that’s what love is like, what healing is like, what the entire human experience is like when you commit to staying present and living through ALL of it. not around. not over. not under. 

THROUGH. 

and what comes forth is you, your baby to happily and wholeheartedly tend to and take care of for as long as you live. 

what comes forth is love. 
and the fullness thereof. 

i am wild, chile.

i am a wildflower
disorganized in space
seemingly haphazard
my pattern
but beautiful in disarray 
step back 
and
behold me 
if you look close enough 
i am picture perfect 
growing exactly where i should be
exactly when i should
be
nature rules me 
and there is no mistake in that 
no mistaking me 

What Do You Want?

yes or no
up or down 
left or right
or wrong
to be 
or not to 
be 
so many questions 
afraid of the answers
question marks are comfortable
but, periods 
the definitiveness of a complete sentence 
that’s what gives me pause
full stop
to watch myself wrestle and fight
with myself
then project the greatest fight scene of my life onto the blank screen of someone new 
their white screen originally full of beautiful possibility 
now adapted into a psychological thriller
my psychological torture  
where the dark parts of me are thrilled 
excited to muddy the screen
black
right at home 
directing me 
flipping the same old script 
knowing i will perform within its predefined scenes 
because i’ve committed them to memory 
committed to the ending 
then tearful when the credits start rolling 
because i know 
once again
it’s my name that will appear on the scroll
credited for many roles
in this predictable lifetime picture
still 
immovable 
frozen in monochromatic misery

Are You?

cumulus clouds cumulate beneath the surface

and threaten to rain their contents down my cheeks at the first 

sign of another front

like pretending i don't see rainbows in the irises of all mankind

it's humid

i feel hot

and my skin is sticking to nothing but dew drops in the uncertainty 

of each morning

so are you the shoulder assigned to me?

to provide a break in this overcast?

the shoulder strong enough to lean me towards the sun in my darkest hours?

no offense

i don't need you to complete me

but i would love for you to be here to amount to something

with me

to help signal the world

our parents

our children

that it's going to be okay

because look at us

as one

in a world divided by fear 

weathering every storm

together

frustrated within the eye of each tornado

yet thriving within its calm as we're lifted through torrential downpours

  

indexed so far inside the Richter scale that the magnitude of our ups and downs don't register

transformation ethereal

so beautiful, the destruction of worldly walls and faulty foundation

as welcome in our home as sunrise blessing earth with enough fruit 

to nourish nations

are you the seed?

cultivated specifically for my winter barren land ready to give of itself?

are you him?

my snooze button?

providing me with just a few minutes to not be awake?

my alarm clock?

set to break this fast when my Father says I'm ready?

are you him?

so rooted in God that you're able to rejoice when you uncover my well of tears?

because you understand why I've collected them

because you possess The Light to see preservation of love at the bottom of this salty pool

because

you see the opportunity to drink of God's enhancing power and 

remain eternally thirsty 

for His plan

for us

are you him?

the man created to bathe in my testimony?

afraid but ready

and willing

to make yours just as available to me?

are you

him?

Un-titled

in the quiet between 3 and 4am i direct my thoughts to you

i

stretch my lungs with prayers for you to be

then i 

fill my belly with pressing passion like singers do

hoping to move the stillness with a sound i haven't been blessed to know

yet

but i expel nothing but air

still

hot and empty

ahead of the time and forging the signature

you want a title?

well there isn't a hook

no rhythm

no bridge to connect us

we still exist in the light tap of the "next" button

between songs fading into one another 

we transition within the breaks

between the words

in that small pause of breath before the big note

right there

there we are

and it throws off my two-step

because i'm listening without any anticipation of moving up or down the scale

i'm anxious to just hear

it

to close my eyes and experience

it

the culmination of waiting

at full volume

live and so alive

ready to belt out lyrics not yet written

on a page unturned

ready to just know the words

on or off-key

Hello

i see you 
sitting on my favorite bench by the water where i wrote about you for the first time

you're watching me

delighting in me as i stand at the edge of earth
my skirt billowing around me in time with the ripples of the river

the wind faithfully carrying its tune throughout creation

i see you

pushing the cart for me at the grocery store

patiently waiting as i try to decide between grape jam or peach preserves 

laughing to yourself because you know which one i'll choose

but humoring me anyway because you think my indecisiveness is cute

i see you

reflexively extending your right arm to protect me as a car cuts you 

off in traffic

both of us cursing the driver in unison

then just as quickly 
without missing a note

we're right back to singing the songs fueling our journey together

i see you

strolling next to me as we take a long walk to no place in particular

i see you

teaching me how to catch fireflies in the night just to show me how beautiful their light is

i see you

joining me to play in the rain just because i think it'd be fun

i see you

chilling on my steps talking about everything under the summer sun

i see you

in the little things

in the seemingly insignificant moments

when i am alone experiencing life in its purest form

i can see you

with me