Blinking Cursor

it's the hardest thing to write about myself

to inspire and to motivate my

self

how can i be the muse to my own song?

pacing patiently i pull apart parts of myself, searching for stanzas

but i come up blank

without a "someone" to relate my rhymes to

without a "no one" to narrate hope for

with the spotlight pointed at just
me

my voice becomes a whisper

my soprano a deafening pitch of cheesy similes 
and forced metaphors

i'm discovering who i am

and i'm struggling

to write about it

Too Much

pieces of me far beneath the surface cling to your words 
like long lost friends

words you scribble on scraps of paper penned with my unfinished poetry

influencing perspectives deep within the recesses of my subconsciousness

without my permission

punctuating

accenting

completing

but

you're a stranger to me

a memory at most

a trivial trace of time

so why do your words loop and playback like a catchy tune i hum without notice?

how is your signature inscribed on my mind so vividly without my orchestration?

i don't even know what your handwriting looks like

like, how do you dot your i's?

before finishing a thought, do you take the time to 
cross your t's?

why does your silence resonate so loudly with my inability 

to sit quietly?

all of this supersedes sensibility

committing suicide to my pride like this

i'm too proud for this 

but there's something about you 

something about you that screams, "don't give up"

i'm just not sure if my growth is willing to stunt with a reprise

Be

i want to be

like the tree that grows through concrete

like the grass that grows through tar

like the flowers that bloom from seeds planted by hands 

never seen, i want to be

sustained by perennial purpose

and nourished with time and possibility

shooting through the earth in response to each season

able to let go of my petals with faith that the beauty 

of my remains will plant seeds of their own

bearing the fruit of lessons learned 

lessons to be shared with the souls that take the time to taste nature 

with their toes and bathe in the scent of creation i want to be

alive without worrying that i'm living 

unafraid as my foundation settles and shifts with tectonic plates 

creating cracks in my surface

unafraid solely because i'm too busy being grateful that the earth 

is still breathing

the pressure from each inhale stretching my imperfections

wider

longer 

deeper 

an interweb of connections spanning my core

they are not character flaws that need to be suffocated 

with dead matter

these cracks are evidence of movement

promises of change, fulfilled

space 

created for more life to grow right in the middle of what i 

think i already know

just like the tree that spurts through concrete

and the grass that emerges through tar

and the flowers that blossom from seeds planted by hands never seen

all reminding me that i can just

be

There.

i just handed over some of my darkest poetry 
to a man i hardly know

i'm willingly sharing parts of my old soul

with a stranger

completely transparent effects of my past

pictured in focus for him to see for himself just 
how much i've developed

what he sees when he looks at me now took time

only from the darkest of rooms was i able to emerge so beautifully

i'm not ashamed of the process, so no way can i hide it

but this still makes me anxious

sitting here trying to read his face as he reads

me

the deal with my heart laid right out there

vulnerability tangible

causing the table to tremble

sorry

i shake my leg when i'm nervous

but don't mind me

keep reading

i'm not afraid

Dear, Black Woman.

Black woman.

i want to write a piece for you

but how can i?

how can i write about you with words humanly comprehensible?

love can't be explained entirely

and neither can you, Black woman.

you are love

simply and explicitly

you

are

love

polemic precedes your birth

you're not chanced to survive

but you defy the world and do so anyway

fear that is not your own precludes your ability to be whole

but you rebel against the system and find yourself anyway

enduring

much like love

Black woman.

a mother to many

giving

nurturing

protecting

life

innately in tune with your assignment

you know only you can serve justice to your role, Black woman.

you are strength manifested in muted earth tones

powerfully understated

quiet resilience resonates in the way your hair breaks the law, in 
the way you remain standing as you unabashedly bear your cross

while juggling the crosses of others

nothing about your existence can be policed

adversity is your comfort food, Black woman.

know who you are
know you are called

created to be alive, you fear, yet you do it anyway

whatever "it" is that day

because you do it all 

with grace so amazing

Black woman.

i see you

i appreciate you

i love you

i am you, 

Black woman.

One Saturday Morning

we forget everything but each other

smoke signals yelling, "GET A ROOM!"

startled

we throw our heads back and laugh

because we burnt the bacon 
again

every Saturday we burn the bacon

forcing us to open the windows and share the fire we started 

with the world

saturday morning

oh, consciousness 

i do not wish to join thee

i am tucked into this dream that smells like the man i love

the scent of the man who knew 

with his entire soul

he found a good thing when he found me...

WAKE UP!

right on time the alarm clock blares

a smile unauthorized opens my eyes 

'cause in this haze of wakefulness 

i realize it's Saturday morning

and every Saturday morning 

i awaken to bacon

the aroma sticking to my dreams

and turn to greet your empty pillow without fear

because you vowed to never leave

and i believe you

'til death do us part you'll be here

present

available

and cooking up the sweetest vision for each day

you greet me with a kiss as savory as your grits

consistency whispering, "good morning, my love."

i cling to your Blackness in an attempt catch my breath
but that never works 

you're so 

damn 

beautiful

and i'm so grateful you were made for me to love so fiercely

i don't want to let go and you never make me

instead you embrace me 

because you don't want to let go either

so we just stand here transferring energy in this kitchen

its power intoxicating

Dear, Black Man.

Black man.

im pressed close
i want to hear you

your voice in my ear

i listen as its bass drums your art through these waves

reverberating my prayers to God

my sharp desire to be connected to the beauty that is

Black man.

i tremble excitedly at the thought of you near

your powerful energy present even in the transient moments...

of silence you set aside to breathe

the faintest whisper of life

the softest declaration of God's love for us

Black man.

i don't know you yet

but your spirit stirs my soul

inspire me

awaken me with alarming transparency, Black man.

awaken the parts of me that long to be the Black woman you need

not the Black woman fear and pain has convinced me you want

let us unlock Sankofa

surging forward to find myself

i cannot forget to come back for you

i cannot leave you behind

Black man.

you were made for me

and i

for you

i don't know you yet

but i'm here

i'm ready to learn

because you are worth it
Black man.