What Do You Want?

yes or no
up or down 
left or right
or wrong
to be 
or not to 
be 
so many questions 
afraid of the answers
question marks are comfortable
but, periods 
the definitiveness of a complete sentence 
that’s what gives me pause
full stop
to watch myself wrestle and fight
with myself
then project the greatest fight scene of my life onto the blank screen of someone new 
their white screen originally full of beautiful possibility 
now adapted into a psychological thriller
my psychological torture  
where the dark parts of me are thrilled 
excited to muddy the screen
black
right at home 
directing me 
flipping the same old script 
knowing i will perform within its predefined scenes 
because i’ve committed them to memory 
committed to the ending 
then tearful when the credits start rolling 
because i know 
once again
it’s my name that will appear on the scroll
credited for many roles
in this predictable lifetime picture
still 
immovable 
frozen in monochromatic misery